Some tears are also shed on Mother’s Day
KANPUR: Vinita Uppal lost her mother three years ago- soon after her 20th birthday. The very thought of her dear mother makes this Lajpat Nagar resident angry (with fate), sad and lonely. “It’s so unjust,” she says.
Asra Malik, lost her mom seven years back. “I still get quite depressed. The advertisements, the people talking about it and this holiday annoys me like anything whenever Mother’s Day is celebrated,” she says.
Filled with grief, Vinita bursts out: “I get very resentful of the whole farce. How can everyone else be celebrating? Don’t they know I don’t have a mother? How unfair! I want my mother.”
Vinita and Asra aren’t alone. For many people grieving over a lost mother, this is one tough holiday to get through. Though, a few have come up with very creative ways to deal with it.
When Ankit Singh moved to US soon after losing his mother, a chance encounter gave him a focus. He got a job there as a software engineer, where he worked with 45-year-old Florence Peter. Ankit got friendly with Peter during his job and confessed how much he missed his mother. Before his weekend, Ankit kept a gift and a special card, secretly on her desk and hugged her.
“She was so touched by my gesture that she burst into tears. Peter told me that if I ever missed my mother, I could address her Peter mom,” he shares. “Florence said I could even come down to her place on Mother’s Day and celebrate it with her.”
Every year since then, he has been making use of this ‘therapy’. Now, when other people are talking about their plans for the second Sunday of May, he has some planning to do as well.
The second Sunday of May is obviously a holiday to celebrate the joys of having a mother. It is the time to make amends for not being able to spend quality time with her. But for 17-year-old Mansi, it is like the any other routine day as she has never been pampered and loved since her mother’s death.
“I don’t know what mothers do as there was no one to wake me up early in the morning, make nicest tiffin and endure all my tantrums,” said Mansi, who lost her mother 15 years back, while wishing to celebrate the Mother’s Day someday with her children.
And when asked about how life would have been if her mother was there with her, she replied, “as heard from my friends the incidents and small fights with their mothers, I imagine mothers are the ones who would forever complain that we are not eating enough or not eating right. They would take pains to complete our school projects, leaving all other work. Even my mother would have been the focal point of my life if she was there with me today.”
Anshuman Goyal, a private bank’s marketing head, believes one of the more important elements of getting through the day is planning for it in whatever way you deem appropriate.
“It’s ok to grieve. Mother’s Day is a hard day for us who don’t have moms, but there are also appropriate and uplifting ways for you to honour your mom after she’s passed away,” he says. “I would certainly try to do something this year. I’ll do something manly, like treat myself to a full day in gym- something that I may have done with my mom had she been there. It’s still a hard day for me to get through, but there are great ways to celebrate it and honour the person you’ve lost,” he opines.
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