Mercado: Tarzan Beyond Borders
By Ram Mercado
First Person
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
HE IS well past the age of 78 but Congressman Tarzan Lazatin is still sprightly and energetic as a stud.
Whereas before, he had projected an image of lethargy and sloth, Tarzan has suddenly morphed into a vigorous and indefatigable young man. He seemed to have discovered the fountain of wisdom, too
What has propelled the easygoing, indulgent, and carefree bon vivant to feverish action? He has been filing legislative bills one after the other in recent weeks.
The speculation was that since Vice Governor Yeng Guiao announced his candidacy in Lazatin’s district, Lazatin started to set out and implement a regimen of offense and defense.
Insiders at the Lazatin camp said the congressman was not taking Guiao lightly but considers him a strong rival. The vice governor comes from Magalang town, a traditional Lazatin bailiwick. He is reportedly being supported by tycoon Manuel Pangilinan and the powerful Pineda family which could spell the difference.
Guiao is capitalizing on his youth and government experience, two contentious issues that Ares Yabut tried to cash in when he fought and was massacred by Lazatin in 2009. Lazatin supporters expressed apprehension only if Yeng can win for his team a championship trophy in any PBA conference.
Last summer, when Guiao was busy attending to his basketball coaching career or was occupied in presiding the Provincial Board, Lazatin pulled a remarkable “magic.” He worked out the approval of his pet bill converting the Pampanga Agricultural College into a State Agricultural University.
He filed a series of legislative measures such as proposal for senior citizens to have free annual medical check, a bill on Patient Detention Act with hospital bill problems, as well as sanctions to funeral parlors and other institutions that engage in the evil practice of detaining cadavers.
His long-standing support of the conversion of Mabalacat to cityhood moved the House for its approval.
Mabalacat residents, though, suspect that Lazatin has been holding his punches in this conversion issue for personal reasons. The municipality delivers enormous vote support to his election bids.
With his flurry of legislative measures filed one after another, I think Lazatin has a think-tank machine in Metro Manila that designs his political agenda aimed to project him as a hardworking lawmaker and to align his mission to the grassroots concerns.
For instance, Tarzan in advocating the use of bicycles in his House Bill No. 5335, suggested that malls and public/private markets and the like provide free parking spaces to the bikes. His latest bill was on responsible gun ownership, with more proposals underway.
All these bills are pro-poor and calculated to win him tremendous votes. They also justify his being awarded most outstanding Congressman by a Congress publication for three successive years.
However the Congressman, or his overzealous think-tank wizards, went the whole hog when he proposed a Stem Cell Technology Center in the country. Our lawmaker may break the barrier to the unknown. He is now engaged in tinkering with the rarefied science of genetics.
Susmariosep! Congressman Tarzan seemed to be a student of modern science which can be the basis of future cloning for creatures while developing stem cells against disease of aging.
Perhaps the congressman, a breeder of champion roosters, should start experimenting first on fighting cocks before he goes to humans. Unique cloning techniques can be applied to develop unbeatable Halseys and Hatches breeds at the Lazatin farm.
We wish the congressman the best of success in his pursuit of promoting and developing Stem Cell Technology in this area.
With the miracle of that eclectic field of science, including cloning, we hope the congressman can stay forever in public office by injecting amniotic fluid to his mystery man. The political shelf-life of Mr. Luisito “Sibak” Bacani can be prolonged by stem cell manipulation so that “Sibak” can continue serving our people through intelligent discourse during his repeated candidacies. This biotech creation may even be patented and possibly earn for the congressman a special place similar to or reserved for rocket scientists.
If Congressman Tarzan can make a clone of Sitong Bacani, the guy said to responsible for his reelections, why, he can push for the creation of the much-awaited Lone District of Angeles. Then he can run for congressman in that new district. With a younger looking and genetically engineered Bacani, we may continue enjoying the lawmaker’s brilliant services and proposals till 2024. By that time Yeng Guiao has grown a full crop of handsome hair, according to IC.
Bacani has bright ideas – better than Lazatin’s – on the solutions to jueteng, rising bus and jeep fares, power rates, unemployment, garbage, and in transforming our peso bill into a strong currency.
His fans hope his fragile health — aggravated by many sleepless nights while playing chess for bets at San Nicolas — will not fail him till the next campaign season. It would jeopardize Lazatin’s reelection bid, said chess kibitzer Tony Brown.
Bacani’s first ambition was the Philippine presidency. But when he met Tarzan’s Girl Friday, media darling “IC” Calaguas, he started to change direction. IC has unique talents for turning things and people around.
Sibak thence abandoned his quest to run for President. A humble, simple man, he condescended to running to a lower position of Congressman. The pursuit had made him a popular politician, with every Tarzan’s successful reelection a fruitful season for him, according to fellow chess enthusiasts.
Source: http://www.sunstar.com.ph/pampanga/opinion/2011/10/04/mercado-tarzan-beyond-borders-183136
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